FITNESS FOR SEXUALITY
FEEL FREE TO FEEL PLEASURE
7 FREE SEX FITNESS EXERCISES
Find the Spark Again or Take a Fantastic Sex Life to New Heights.
In most relationships, sexual activity becomes habitual and follows certain routines. Sex takes place at the same times and consists of the same positions, but a predictable approach to sex causes passion to fade. The exercises in SEXFIT make it easy to vary your approach to sex, let go of inappropriate expectations, talk more openly about your desires and break with sexual habits and routines.
Before you start, it is a good idea to read the (FAQ) questions and answers section at the bottom of the page.
NEED HELP?
It is possible to get professional advice from us if you would like to do SEXFIT, but:
🔹 Have conflicts or problems in your relationships that make it difficult to do the exercises.
🔹 Have reached a sexual standstill and need help getting started.
🔹 Need more exercises or exercises that are easier or more difficult.
🔹 Need exercises that are specifically designed to suit your sexual profiles.
SEXFIT
MENTAL PREPARATION
Set a time and place where you meet and work on the exercises. Arrange the room where you do the exercises so that you completely relax and are not disturbed by phones or the like.
If you want to use oil, blankets, sex toys or lingerie, it should be prepared. Before the exercises, it can also be a good idea to keep a physical distance for a few hours and just before you start, it can sharpen your concentration to hug for a few minutes and find peace together until you are ready.
TIME & AFTERCARE
TIME: Agree on a precise time frame for an exercise. Feel free to extend the time when you do the exercise again. Set a clock to ring when the time is up and possibly let the clock give a signal when the time is almost up. After the exercise, go to the aftercare.
AFTERCARE: Talk about what you learned from the exercise, what you can do differently next time, and what surprised you. Feel free to switch roles immediately or arrange a later time to switch roles and do the exercise again.
EXERCISE 1
GIVING AND RECEIVING
If you are satisfied by your partner, you easily start thinking: “Now it’s almost my turn to give.” This breaks focus and immersion. This exercise creates space to enjoy 100% without having to perform or think about the other person, which can be liberating for both of you.
THE TASK
Set aside between 10 and 30 minutes where you have sex, but ONLY focus on satisfying one of you. The exercise can be done with the lights on, dimmed, or off.
THE ROLE OF THE GIVER
You inquire about your partner's desires and please your partner, but of course make sure to be aware of not exceeding your own limits.
THE RECIPIENT'S ROLE
You can relax and enjoy being satisfied without having to think about your partner's needs. You can guide your partner with words or by guiding his/her hands and showing how to get the most pleasure.
EXERCISE 2
AVOID TURNING ON
This is a little competition that exercises your sex habits. Instead of thinking about turning it on as something important, do the opposite. Don't take the exercise too seriously - have fun and tease each other while you compete.
THE TASK
Set aside 5–15 minutes to repeat exercise 1, but this time as a competition: One person must bring their partner to climax while the other tries to avoid turning them on. You can agree on a prize for the winner or a punishment for the loser – e.g. a massage, washing dishes, a delicious dinner or similar.
THE ROLE OF THE DONOR
You should do whatever you can to turn your partner on – stimulate, talk dirty, use oil, toys or whatever you think he/she likes. If your partner turns you on, you get 1 point and if your partner climaxes you get another point.
THE RECIPIENT'S ROLE
You lie or sit in a receiving position and must not physically block the giver. Your task is to try to avoid turning on: you must distract yourself and be absent. Everything is allowed, but you must not try to stop your partner physically.
EXERCISE 3
SEX IN SLOW MOTION
Many people believe that sex has to have a certain pace and that you have to stimulate your partner in a certain rhythm. This exercise is about breaking that approach and noticing everything down to the smallest detail.
THE TASK
Set aside 10–30 minutes to have sex or intimate contact where everything happens at an extremely slow pace – like in slow motion. You touch, kiss, penetrate or stimulate each other in slow motion. Try to let go of the expectation that you will be turned on or reach climax and instead focus on enjoying the sensuality and the touches. Feel free to talk softly together and help each other along the way if you feel like "Slow down.", "Try doing it like this." or "What do you feel now?"
Slow sex
Slowness trains you to notice small nuances of pleasure and breaks the habit of rapid buildup and climax. It can create a deeper presence and can awaken a type of desire that spreads throughout the body. Feel free to laugh together and play with the pace.
Time
Set a timer to ring when the time is up. You can choose to continue at a normal pace afterwards if you wish, or just lie down and feel the reverberation.
EXERCISE 4
SEX WITHOUT TOUCH
Online sex is often a backup plan for couples who are separated and miss each other, but having sex online also offers the opportunity to expand your sexual repertoire. You need to be able to communicate more precisely, be able to turn yourself and your partner on without touching, use your imagination in a different way, and stimulate yourself and your partner visually or with words. If you get good at online sex, it can be just as intense and pleasurable as physical sex – and in some cases even more so.
THE TASK:
Set aside 15–30 minutes to have sex without being in the same room. You meet via a cam call. If you live together, you can choose to be in your own room with closed doors. Prepare for the meeting in terms of clothing, surroundings, lighting and camera angle. Spend time considering how you can turn yourself and each other on. You can show yourself, talk dirty, describe fantasies, instruct each other, role-play, moan, use toys or just enjoy seeing and hearing each other. You can also choose to let one person lead the meeting and control what happens or just let it develop organically. The aftermath can take place online, but you can also meet and talk about your mutual experiences.
EXERCISE 5
SEX AS A SERVICE
Most couples exchange services. Maybe one person does the dishes and the other cooks. Try using this approach in sexual matters and provide a sexual service to your partner and describe what you want in return. If possible, make a list of what you offer and how much the different services cost. Payment can be financial, but can also be in the form of reciprocal services such as cleaning, massage, gifts, a delicious dinner or the like. Try to enjoy making an effort and try to be both loving and professional.
Our personal experiences
This is one of our favorite exercises. We usually make an advertisement with pictures and descriptions that show what we want to offer each other. It's a fun approach to sex where it's easy to spoil your partner on your own terms.
EXERCISE 6
TRAINING VIDEO
It can be educational to film yourself when you play sports. It helps to see yourself from the outside and see which areas you can improve your technique. Most people who film themselves and each other when they have sex do it to excite each other, but why not do it to get ideas for improving your sex life? There is hardly a better starting point than a video to start such a conversation. Set up a camera or let one person film with their phone while you have sex. Don't think too much about the aesthetic, but instead about making a little video that you can watch together and talk about. Answer the following questions when you watch the video.
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What was most surprising about seeing us from the outside?
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Was there anything you saw in the video that made you want to do differently?
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How do you feel about seeing us together like this?
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Did you see anything in the video that you would like us to do more of in the future?
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Was there anything you saw in the video that you think we could do better?
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Did anything look worse than you thought?
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Should we try filming while we do some of the other exercises?
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Should we save the movie or delete it after we watch it?
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How can we improve the video the next time we film?
EXERCISE 7
BREAK THE HABITS
Sit down and talk together while you make a list of 3-4 things you always do when you have sex. You can choose to make your own list or you can also make a joint list. When you are finished, have sex without a time limit and without doing any of the things on the list.
Examples of typical habits many couples have:
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Having sex before they sleep or right when they wake up.
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Always start with oral sex for one.
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Avoiding eye contact or talking while having sex.
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Always use a specific position.
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Always have the light on or off.
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Always use the same approach to stimulation.
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Always have sex in bed (never on the floor, on the couch, or standing)
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Always speak rudely in a certain way.
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Always ending with climax for both
EXERCISE 8
PORN SCHOOL
Many couples don't watch porn together because one partner doesn't like it or because they don't like the same type of porn. However, you can choose an alternative approach to porn that can instead help develop your sex life.
THE TASK
In this exercise, you are not watching porn to get turned on, but to learn. If you are into a specific sport, it can be educational to watch how the professionals do it and try to catch their tricks. You are going to find porn where something happens that you think you can learn from and watch the films together. It is about observing and learning – feel free to use pauses, slow-motion and take notes.
NOTE THE FOLLOWING
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Is there anything about the story, energy, or mood of a movie that could be incorporated into your sex life?
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Notice positions, angles, movements, variation in pace and rhythm, how they look at each other and cooperate. Maybe you can learn to change positions without awkward pauses or loss of flow.
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Pay attention to how and where they stimulate with their hands, fingers, and toys. This also applies to oral technique – tongue and lip movements, sucking, variation in pressure and patterns.
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Where do they have sex? Do they use support (pillows, wall, bed) – how do they adjust their bodies for better angles, less strain and maximum stimulation?
EXERCISE 9
SEX WITHOUT DESIRE
For most couples, desire is the goal of sex, but it is not desire that creates depth in the sexual act. What creates depth is the energetic connection, trust, and the experience of being united. Therefore, try having sex without fanning the flame of desire, without stimulating or penetrating, but focusing on the energy you feel when your bodies connect.
THE TASK
Lie down close together, naked, with your arms around each other and as much skin contact as possible. Make sure you are lying down soft, warm and comfortable. You can start by doing the exercise for 10 minutes and later go up to 20 minutes. You are welcome to touch each other all over your body, but you are not allowed to kiss or touch in a lustful way or with the purpose of stimulating. If one or both of you get horny, just enjoy the feeling and refrain from reacting to it. Just relax completely. You can choose to talk about what you feel, but you can also be quiet. When the time is up, talk about what you could feel. It can be about an energy in the body, about a calmness or about something completely different. The exercise can be useful as foreplay that can give you a new entrance to having sex.
EXERCISE 10
BE YOUR PARTNER'S THERAPIST
You are your partner's sex therapist and you are supposed to help your partner become a better lover. This is NOT a role play where you have to have a naughty encounter. The goal is for the "therapist" to help develop the "client's" sexual skills.
PLEASE NOTE
The exercise requires a high degree of openness and honesty from both parties. If you are having problems in your relationship or have difficulty giving each other space to talk openly, you can choose to do the exercise with supervision from a real therapist.
THE THERAPIST
You need to help your partner become more sexually clear by providing support through conversation and/or physical assistance. Ask questions and try to get ideas in a selfless way for how you can - physically and emotionally - explore the topics your partner brings up.
THE CLIENT
Think about your sex life and consider where you can improve or where you can release an insecurity in relation to sex. You may choose to work on a specific problem, but you may also just want to explore new aspects of intimacy and learn something new. Choose one topic (e.g. performance anxiety, foreplay, body insecurity, fantasy or just something you are curious to explore more deeply such as touching each other without a sexual goal, more eye contact or using oil or toys.
⭐ FAQ for SEXFIT
We are a little too shy to do the exercises as described. Can we do them in a different way?
Yes. You can start by talking about the exercises without doing anything physical. Having a conversation about sexual experimentation can create better communication and be a first step in a new direction. You can also choose to do the exercises in the dark, partially clothed, or while one of you is blindfolded.
What if we don't get excited about the exercises, or it feels awkward and mechanical?
When a musician practices their instrument, it doesn't necessarily sound good at first. The goal of the exercises is not to get turned on right away, but to experiment and break habits. Some people can only give in and get turned on if their partner is also turned on. It's common, but it can also expand your sex life to let go of this consideration. Use the exercises to learn new things about each other and play with your limits and desires.
I get turned on by my partner dominating me and find it difficult to receive while I am being stimulated.
That's understandable, but since you, as a submissive, are turned on by your partner being in control, you can choose not to be in control and let your partner decide what turns you on.
We have small children and rarely have time for sex. What do we do?
It's okay to just set aside a short amount of time to do an exercise - say 5 minutes. Some of the exercises can also work as a little foreplay before having sex.
How often should we do the exercises?
There are no rules about it. Do them when you have time and desire. It can also be part of a romantic date. If you notice a development, you will automatically want to train more.
What if one of us wants to do the exercises more than the other?
This is very common. Start by talking through the program and start with the exercises that you both want to do the most. Often, both of you will grow in interest once you get started.
What if we have physical challenges, pain or health problems?
Then you adapt the exercises. Many can be done sitting, lying down or with a focus on touching the hands, face and back. The most important thing is to play and to be in dialogue. If you are in doubt, please contact us for advice on adaptation.
Should we do all 10 exercises in order?
No. You can skip around, repeat favorites, or choose the ones that feel right right now. The order is a recommendation, but you know your relationship best.
What if we disagree or encounter something difficult along the way?
Many people have desires that they are not aware of and when you play more freely with sex you can easily discover new sides of your sexuality. Just because you are a couple you do not necessarily have to be turned on by exactly the same things. Respect your differences and use the exercises to get to know each other. If you need support or help, you are welcome to contact us for guidance.