MY SUBMISSIVE PARTNER

Here, you can learn about an approach to love and sex that breaks almost every convention and taboo of traditional partnerships.

A humorous photoshoot with 3 submissive women. Maria is acting as the footstool.

I've always been turned on by taking a sexually dominant role and have had many sexually submissive partners. Most of them couldn't get enough of my control – they loved being tied up, getting spanked, and being told exactly what to do.

There was just one small problem.

When we were no longer having sex, most of these women turned extremely controlling, jealous, and dominant.

Socially, I'm very relaxed and casual, but being with a woman who bosses me around gives me emotional claustrophobia. To get more freedom in my love life, I spent many years looking for a woman who wasn't just sexually submissive, but who also enjoyed submission in other areas of life. When I first met Maria, I was convinced she had the same profile as my previous partners. Sexually, she was submissive, but outside of sex, she was a strong and independent woman who had firm opinions.

After a few weeks together, though, it became clear that she had a profound trust in my judgment. Gradually, she started handing over more and more control to me – both socially and sexually.

“When we have sex, it turns me on that you have full control,” she said one day when we talked about it, “but I've noticed it's starting to turn me on when you have control even when we're not having sex.”

“I've noticed that,” I said, “but does it also turn you on if I put you over my knee and give you a spanking when you don't do as I say?”

“Yes…,” she said and blushed. “I have to admit it does.”

Being with a woman who saw things that way was new to me, but from the beginning it felt great. In a traditional relationship, you always have to find consensus. A traditional couple can easily end up like a company with two bosses who can't make decisions because they spend all their energy disagreeing on everything. In my relationship with Maria, there was only one boss, and that way we avoided drama and conflicts and could focus on enjoying each other.

As the relationship developed, I started taking more and more decisions on Maria's behalf. If I wasn't happy with her behavior, I punished her, and if she did something I liked, I rewarded her. Among other things, I began deciding when she should go to bed, how she should dress, what she should eat, when she should work out, and I told her how much she was allowed to weigh. On top of that, I made it clear that from now on, it was up to me when and how we had sex, and whether she would be allowed to have an orgasm. The more control I took, the more Maria let go, and at the same time, we got more and more turned on by each other. After a few months together, I realized that I had developed an almost hypnotic effect on her. If I ordered her to get aroused, she got wet right away. One day, when we were standing in line at the supermarket, I pressed up close behind her and said I would count to 10. When reaching 10, I wanted her to have an orgasm. While I counted, she started trembling, and when I reached 10, she began shaking and rolling her eyes back. I'd read stories about this kind of conditioning, but I'd been skeptical about whether it was really possible.

EMBRACING THE DIFFERENCE

In my relationship with Maria, we basically have two ways of being together. In one, we're friends and lovers who cuddle, laugh, love, go for walks, watch movies, hold hands, and hang out like a normal couple in love. But with a single word, I can always switch the dynamic and bring her into her submissive role. When she's submissive, I have full control, and no matter what I decide, she is positive.

If you look at couples who've been together for many years, they often end up looking alike. Some develop the same opinions, talk the same way, and lots end up with matching hairstyles, clothes, and glasses. Sometimes it gets so bad that you can't tell who's the man and who's the woman. When you're dominant and have a submissive partner, that kind of thing obviously doesn't happen. My relationship with Maria isn't about us becoming similar, but about embracing our differences. We don't need to think the same way, have the same duties, or approach sex the same way – quite the opposite. In our relationship, it's my responsibility to protect my woman and make sure she doesn't lack anything. In return, her responsibility is to be available to me and to develop into the woman I want her to be.