MASSAGE OF EROGENOUS ZONES

It has been over 10 years since I started giving women professional erotic massages. Many people have asked me how I got started, how it feels to mix therapy and sex, and why women buy sexual services from a man.

Several years ago, I read about a workshop in London where men could learn how to give women erotic massages and stimulate them sexually. The class had room for 20 male students, who were given the opportunity to practice for four hours on 10 women. The women had to lie naked on massage tables, and the men received instruction and guidance from an expert. The expert who facilitated the process was a world-renowned erotic masseur, and the class was quickly fully booked. Hoping to attend anyway, I contacted the masseur, told him I was a writer, and asked if I could write about his workshop. He was open to the idea, and when we met at the workshop, he asked me to help with the practicalities. When the participants arrived, I had to make sure they washed their hands and did not wear rings that could cause problems when stimulating the women.

When the workshop started, the masseur became very busy, and several of the participants thought I was his assistant and therefore began to turn to me for instruction. Since I had been giving my girlfriends erotic massages for many years, it was not difficult for me to help. Afterwards, both the participants and the masseur were happy with my efforts, and since I wanted to learn more, I booked a private course with the masseur.

WORKING AS AN EROTIC MASSAGE THERAPIST

When my massage course was completed, my new teacher invited me to help out at his clinic in London when he was busy. I did not get paid for my work, but in return I got more training and lots of practical experience. According to the clinic's website, we provided erotic massage and sexual stimulation to women seeking a liberating therapeutic experience. When I started at the clinic, several of my friends asked me if I got turned on while I was working. It was an obvious question, of course, but even though some of the women were attractive, the job never gave me a sexual experience. For me to get turned on, I need to have a mutual emotional connection with a woman. With my clients, I was open and caring, but also professional, and so a mutual emotional bond never developed. However, I did derive great pleasure from giving erotic massages. On the one hand, it was fantastic to be able to talk freely with clients about everything, and on the other hand, I enjoyed facilitating an intimate space where women did not have to relate to a man's needs.

THERAPY VERSUS PROSTITUTION

While working at the clinic, I soon realized that my mentor and I had very different approaches to the work. He was flirtatious with many of his clients, and when giving massages, he would occasionally take off his pants and have sex with them. When this happened, it was of course always at the client's request, but he usually lost control of himself and became both horny and absent-minded. As a massage therapist and teacher, he was extremely competent, but he had no control over his libido, and I felt that he was failing as a therapist. When I brought up the subject one day, he became defensive, and I subsequently chose to end our collaboration. I then returned to Copenhagen, where I began to get my own clients.

WOMEN'S MOTIVES

Over the years, many people have asked me why women go to an erotic masseur, and there can be many reasons for this. Some women are pleasers and lose themselves because they focus too much on their partner's pleasure. For these women, it is liberating to be stimulated by a man who expects nothing more than for her to receive and enjoy. I also get visits from women who have been abused and need a meeting where they can open up sexually while still having full control over the process. There are also women who want erotic massage because they work too much or live in sexless relationships, which means they have lost touch with their sexual libido. In addition, there are, of course, women who are simply curious and want to explore their sexuality in an unconventional context.

Before a massage, I always take plenty of time to talk to the client about her massage preferences, sexual profile, boundaries, mental and physical health, and sensitivity. We also talk about whether she has had bad sexual experiences, been abused, has problems reaching orgasm, or feels ashamed of her sexual desires. If the client is nervous, she can remain partially clothed during the massage and decide at some point if she wants to be naked. Of course, I fully understand that women often need time to let themselves go. The truth is that many women are used to men often having hidden sexual agendas—even if they present themselves as professionals.

ILLUSIONS ABOUT ORGASMS

There are thousands of videos online describing how to stimulate a woman. In these videos, experts explain how to lick, rub, massage, or caress her until she screams in ecstasy. It all sounds really good, of course, but in everything I've seen online, the most important thing is missing. The truth is that all people are different. Everyone has different sensitivities, different erogenous zones, and some are completely insensitive in areas of the body where others are hypersensitive. Most people also have so-called anti-erogenous zones, and if you are not aware of them, you can easily shut them down—both emotionally and sexually. Some people prefer to look inward when they are aroused, while others prefer dialogue. For some, trust, empathy, and good chemistry are essential, and for them, the heart and brain are the most important erogenous zones. For others, the heart and brain play no particular role, and for them, it's just about receiving and enjoying. Some like a firm hand, and others are too sensitive for direct touch and prefer completely subtle touch. In the latter group, there are even some who can orgasm if you breathe in the right place or just tell them that they are allowed to orgasm. In addition, I have also had clients who are asexual and who try erotic massage to see if they can have a sexual experience that way.

When talking about orgasms, people often don't realize that no two orgasms are the same. How an orgasm unfolds and how powerful it is can vary depending on the time of day, the client's mood, who is stimulating them, where they are being stimulated, how strongly, and with what. In addition, an orgasm can originate in different parts of the body, and its intensity can also vary. I usually talk to clients using a scale of 1-10, where 1 is a small, tingling release and 10 is a big release that can feel life-changing. Of course, not all women can have an orgasm with an erotic masseur. When I started giving massages, I focused a lot on stimulation and considered it a success if a client had an orgasm. Today, I focus more on giving energy and attention to all parts of the client's body. The thing is, there is a big difference between giving massage and sexual stimulation. Massage involves smooth movements performed with sensitivity and is about releasing tension and creating calm in the body. Stimulation is performed with more mechanical movements and is about arousing sexual desire or reaching climax. Some clients orgasm through massage, while others want to combine massage with stimulation—either from me, themselves, or using a vibrator. Professionally, my focus is on massage, but I am also open to providing stimulation.

NO EXPERIENCE CAN BE AN ADVANTAGE

Watching videos on the internet can give the impression that experience and knowledge of stimulation are essential for good sex, but this is often not the case. Several years ago, I had a lover who was in her early 30s and had never had an orgasm. She and I had really good sex, and even though I have a lot of experience, she never managed to orgasm with me. One day, she started a relationship with a man who had almost no experience with women. A few days after they started having sex, she had her first orgasm. Partly, there was a strong love between them, but there was also something about his insecurity that made her relax and open up like never before. The fact that he knew virtually nothing about sex was therefore not a problem—quite the contrary. In certain cases, it is therefore an advantage to be insecure, tentative, and curious rather than professional, experienced, and confident. The key is therefore not technique, but the magnetism that grows out of mutual attraction and love. If that magnetism is not present, stimulation can be both empty and meaningless, and in some cases destructive. A super lover is therefore not a man or woman who can perform a virtuoso stimulation technique, but a person with whom you have the right chemistry and connection. This is, of course, an aspect that is also central to me when I give massages. If I am visited by a client with whom I do not feel we have the necessary mutual openness, I offer to help find a massage therapist who is a better fit for her.