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HOW MONEY BOUGHT ME LOVE

Forfatters billede: Carlos GCarlos G

Opdateret: 30. jan.

This is the story of how I explored the life of a London sugardaddy while learning that money can buy love but I also learned another important lesson: You cannot buy love if you ONLY have money.

Once an escort wrote to me on a dating site asking for 200 dollars for sex. When I offered her 400 dollars for love, she blocked me. In the same period, I had just started exploring the lifestyle of a sugardaddy in London. As a sugardaddy I was expected to support my partners financially. Because of this, I started wondering if it’s true that money cannot buy you love. Money is a powerful and addictive force, but if you use it wisely it can create emotional beauty such as trust, respect and freedom. So why shouldn’t money be able to buy you love?


As I went out on the first couple of dates I realized that sugardating is a highly rational dating culture. When a sugardaddy engages in a relationship he needs to commit to a certain financial support before the relationship starts. The size of the support is connected to the woman’s value as his female companion, but how do you assess a person’s value as a companion? When shopping in the supermarket I know how to evaluate the relationship between price and quality. As a novice sugardaddy however, I would need to find a way to do the same with potential partners. In an attempt to approach the problem in a structured way, I created a list with the following criteria defining what I was looking for in a woman:


Besides that, I was looking for a non-smoker who didn’t take drugs and preferably one who didn’t drink alcohol.


Meeting The Perfect Female Companion

When doing the first interviews with potential dates and using my scorecard, no-one received an average above 8,6, but this all changed when I met Angelina. Not only did she score a clear ten in all twelve categories, but she was also a non-smoker who didn’t like alcohol and didn’t take drugs. Angelina had everything I was looking for — class, looks, intelligence and artistic talent. When she was not studying art and design at the university of London she was a professional dancer in a West End musical, played the piano and spoke four languages fluently.


“I’m definitely not a jealous person,” she said when addressing criteria number seven. “I enjoy sugardating because I don’t have time for all the possessiveness of a conventional relationship.”


“I’m happy to hear that,” I said, “but are there other reasons you are sugardating?”


“I love luxury,” she said, “but I am also attracted to men much older than myself.”


“How many sugar daddies have you had?” I asked.


“Two,” she said. “One was a global entrepreneur and billionaire and the other was from the royal family.”


“Why are you not with either of them anymore?” I asked.


“I left when they tried to manipulate me with their money,” she said, “but leaving a man who casually spends a fortune on you every month takes some strength.”


Dating Out of My League

In contrast to Angelina I am not into luxury. I prefer to wear practical clothes and don’t like the atmosphere in five-star hotels. Despite our differences, Angelina and I had great chemistry. While our conversation continued time flew. Our meeting was set to take a half an hour, but when we said goodbye, I realized that we had been talking for almost three hours. On the way home, I was overly excited, but also knew that I had a problem. Angelina not only represented the super league of female companionship but was also a high maintenance woman. Even though I have a healthy economy, dating a woman such as her seemed to be outside my financial reach. With her, I had become the middle-class guy going window-shopping at the Lamborghini dealer.


In the days that followed I considered the situation further. Over the course of my life I have invested a lot of money in my dream house, dream travels, dream career and dream car. Why not invest in the ultimate female companionship? Looking carefully into my economy (with the help of my accountant) I decided on a monthly spending level that made it possible for me to date Angelina for six months without putting too much strain on my finances. If she would even be interested in dating a man who didn’t have a private jet I didn’t know, but there would be no damage done in asking. In a message I explained my proposal and a few hours later I received her response. She was not rejecting my offer and suggested that we met for a dinner to talk about it.


Dating With a Relationship Contract

A week later we met at a classy restaurant in central London. As the waiter was guiding us to our table most of the other guests sent us stolen glances. How a middle-aged guy wearing sneakers and a t-shirt could date a woman such as Angelina was naturally a mystery to everyone — except for Angelina, myself and my accountant.


“Your idea about dating within a limited period of time is unconventional and intriguing,” she said, “Have you done this before?”


“No,” I said, “but I have often wanted to. I think all relationships should have an expiry date.”


“I can see what you mean,” she said. “Most people live in the illusion that their relationships will last forever. The idea of defining the length of a relationship before it starts is interesting, but I don’t know how I will feel when being part of it.”


“Me neither,” I said.


“Hmm …,” she said considering it, “but can we still meet when the contract is up?”


“Yes,” I said, “but after breaking up, we should not meet for three months. After this we can meet over dinner and share what we learned.”


“Ok,” she said and smiled. "I'm on!"


“Great!” I said. “I will send you a proposal for the relationship contract tomorrow.”


“A relationship contract?!” she exclaimed and laughed. “Are you serious?”


“Why shouldn’t I be?” I asked. “Sugardating is full of grey zones. Why not make the whole thing fully transparent?”


“I just never heard about a relationship contract before,” she said. “What will be in the contract?”


In my bag I found a sheet of paper listing out the headlines of a contract.


Relationship contract — conditions

  1. Status: Open relationship. Both can date others.

  2. Trial period: 2 weeks (both can stop the arrangement without explanation)

  3. Frequency of meetings: 1–2 times a week.

  4. Phone: No texting or conversations with others when being together.

  5. Intimacy: No sex without genuine and mutual attraction and only safe sex.

  6. Breaking up: Angelina can break up anytime and I will offer Angelina one month’s notice with full financial compensation.


Areas that need to be defined

  1. Angelina’s monthly allowance.

  2. Our monthly shopping and dining budget.

  3. Rules around discretion and privacy.

  4. Pictures and posting on social media.

  5. Contact person in case of an emergency.

  6. Angelina’s duties within the relationship.

  7. My duties within the relationship.

  8. Action taken in case of pregnancy.


“I have never been in an open relationship,” she said after looking at the paper, “but I’m curious and want to try.”


“If you learn to enjoy an open relationship it’s hard to go back to monogamy,” I said. “I will be happy to teach you everything I know.”


“What about sex?” she asked. “Do I consent to sex with you if I sign the contract?”


“Naturally not,” I said. “This is sugardating and I am not into prostitution.”


“This all sounds great,” she said. “All relationships should have a contract like this.”


Financial high-altitude sickness

A few days later Angelina and I had finalized all the details, and during the following weeks, we met according to the contract while getting to know each other better. Angelina knew all about concerts, theatres and restaurants and usually decided what we did together. On a single date with her, I would sometimes spend more money on luxury than I would normally spend in a month. In the beginning, this gave me a strange feeling of financial high-altitude sickness. All my life I had worked hard to become financially secure. When buying plane tickets, hotels, and shopping I usually go for the best deals. With Angelina I had to do the opposite. From looking at money as something I needed to save, I had to change my perspective and think about it as something I needed to get rid of.


Moving From Finance to Romance

During my first month with Angelina we were rarely physical but during the second month we were in a theatre watching a musical when suddenly she took my hand. When the musical ended we went home in a taxi. While sitting in the backseat, my arm was around her and there was an emerging magnetism between us. Every time the taxi hit a bump it felt as if she was moving a little closer. Just before the taxi stopped, we started kissing and had a hard time letting go of each other before saying goodnight.


During the next weeks our relationship transformed into a romance and while this happened the dynamics changed. On several occasions we left the city to spend weekends at spa-hotels in the countryside. I regularly also invited her along when I was doing lectures. When introducing Angelina to friends and family several told me that there is a thin line between sugardating and prostitution. As I see it there is also a thin line between prostitution and conventional relationships. A huge percentage of married couples are not staying together because they are in love, but because they cannot afford a divorce. Money is often used to keep people trapped in lifeless and destructive relationships. At any time, I would prefer a good sugardating relationship to a conventional marriage.


The Bliss of Not Knowing When It Ends

One thing that keeps most people in relationships is the fact that they don’t know when the relationship will end. When being in a relationship you are living in the illusion that you are building up something that will stay forever. In reality most couples are only building up conflicts, frustration, vulnerability and jealousy. If you would be able to look into the future and tell all couples the exact date when their relationship would end, most people would split up immediately. Suddenly being conscious about the end makes the relationship lose its appeal. Only being together because you don’t know when it ends is naturally absurd. With Angelina we knew that we had limited time. Because of this we didn’t take each other for granted. Being together was not about building up something for an unknown future, but about enjoying each meeting and moment to its fullest.


A few days before our contract expired Angelina and I met for brunch in a café in town.


“It feels weird having to say goodbye in a few days,” she said, “but I don’t regret doing this either.”


“This might be the first loving breakup on the planet,” I said and took her hand.


“Yes,” she said and smiled. “When I started sugardating I thought I was looking for financial support but in reality, I was looking for someone generous. Someone who wanted to spoil me and take care of me. As you are not a billionaire you made a huge sacrifice to do this.”


For a moment we looked into each other’s eyes.


“I love you …,” she said giving my hand a squeeze.


“I love you …,” I said before leaning forward kissing her.


Enjoying the Post-Relationship

During my six months with Angelina we never had any negative experiences together, no sign of disrespect, no jealousy, no fear of losing and no frustration. If there had been no contract between us the relationship would have developed in a more conventional way. After the initial romance, our emotional autopilots would have taken over and attraction would have faded. What Angelina and I had established during our time together was much stronger than a conventional relationship. This was love detached from the urge to own and control and it was all initiated with money.


Three months after breaking up we meet for dinner to share what we had learned. At this point both of us were in open relationships with other partners. Still the space between us felt great, and while having dinner I sensed how much I had missed her. After dinner we went to my place to spend the rest of the evening together. This was the first time we had the chance to explore the dynamics of lovemaking practiced outside the boundaries of a transactional relationship. As I had imagined neither of us felt any difference at all.


“Most people think that money cannot buy love,” I said while we were cuddling in my bed, “but through this experiment we have proven that this is not true.”


“You are right about that,” Angelina said and laughed, “but you cannot buy love if you only have money.”

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